ON CHILDHOOD 谈童年
When I was a little girl, I was wearing Mao’s suit,
holding Mao’s little red book,
actually reciting has works.
My childhood was full of memory that belongs to a period of Cultural Revolution.
The Cultural Revolution was actually an exciting time for me.
Because it was a time for community.
I had great sense of being part of a huge community.
Because everybody was on the street or everybody was holding this red book
Everybody was called on to do something together
So there wasn’t any sense of individuality
I was just part of a group.
I learnt how to become part of the family.
That was actually my little or small problem.
I feel I always have this small aspect of me, if not a huge one,
wanting to become an individual, wanting to be different.
I always want to be different.
For instance, when everybody was doing a“集体舞”, dancing together,
I would be bound to do something else.
So by then I knew I had a little bit different voice.
But I didn’t know how to express that.
I wasn’t so sure whether I should express that individual voice.
我小时侯 常穿红小兵服
手拿一本小红宝书
竟然会背诵毛主席的诗词
我的童年充满了对文化大革命的记忆
我觉我那其实是一段挺激动人心的岁月
那是一个崇尚集体的时代
我有种清晰的归属感
大家经常聚集在大街上 手举红宝书
每个人都在为响应某种号召行动着
那时没有丝毫的个人意识
你就是集体中的一部分
我学会了如何做集体中的一员
其实这就是我的一个小问题
我一直感到我体内潜在着个人觉醒意识
有愿望与众不同 表达不同声音
我总是想与众不同
比如大家都在跳集体舞动作一致
我肯定要做点不同动作
那时我就意识到我有点个性声音
但我不知如何表达
或是否应该表达我的个性